Might you be making a mountain out of a molehill? Your brain could focus only on loss, risk and all the ways something could end badly. Wanting a thing will still beat hiding from it like a stray cat under a car. You won't keep pain out by acting dead inside. You'll only make life thinner and duller. Want it, enjoy it and accept that a bit of risk or an unknown factor adds to the excitement of what's unfolding.
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